pinkie promise kisses

[m1serabl3_n_stunn1ng]

i find it amazing how much will power i can develop over nothing

i'll feel my heart shatter, listen to the ear-splitting sound echo through my ribs
yet i'll still wake up tomorrow and try twice as hard for a singular drop of your affections
don't tell me no
please stop telling me yes
give me anything, anything at all

just amazing how i'll throw everything away for nothing

my fundamental flaw is my attraction toward mistreatment,
enter the race after it's already started
feel the pain of failure over the pleasure of success
the burn before the breeze
what's the point of anything if not to struggle in it's place?

i promised not to shed tears over this but, god does it hurt anyway

save your pretty words for somebody else and i'll grit my teeth through your poetry.

they write songs about this sort of thing,
and i'll listen to them on repeat to maybe dream about something worth while
i'll close my eyes and feed into my imagination and despise myself all over again when they reopen

god, why do i do this,
why do i do anything?
what's the point of any of this?
why do we glue pieces together just for them to shatter apart?
why do i pick myself up just to get knocked back over?

pulled apart and rearranged.
why can't i just be content?
why do i need more?
why does more ache so terribly?

i think i'll break those promises.
we'll get 'em next time.

- writing this miserable shit with the keyboard you gave me xo