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m1serabl3_n_stunn1ngsmall little life update sorta post.
my boyfriend is gonna move in about 30 days. something like that. he's gonna meet my parents this weekend so that me and him can actually hang out before he's 3 hours away. the selfish portion of me hopes that in a year or two we could rent some lame apartment about an hour and a half away from our families and live off of takeout cartons and probable college debt. i'll be the one in debt 'cause he probably has like 32 full scholarships. it would be simple and it would be sweet.
it feels weird thinking about things like that, just because i can't stop seeing the worst in my own future. i just feel like i hold people down sometimes. and maybe that's what my ex-stie felt like too. maybe i held on too tight and that's why he decided to ditch me. i wonder what he's up to sometimes. if he thinks about me. some stuff like that. i wish i got any closure at all about any of that but that's old news at this point. it's been 79 days since he last spoke to me anyway. the really bitchy part of me wishes all of his current friends would just drop dead so he'd come crying to me and i can tell him to choke on it, but that's never gonna happen.
things i want don't feel like things i deserve, but i'm beginning to think that isn't necessarily true. i'm glad that i feel like i'm healing, slowly but surely. i mean i still find your best american girl relatable but, baby steps. i don't think it's about getting good, i just think it's about getting better. i think people have convinced me that "being selfish" is just wanting things. i want lots of things and i want the ability to kick and scream and cry when i don't get them, but that doesn't mean i should get them, because eventually when you're done freaking out, you get up and move on. people try to rush my freaking out stage. i can still cry and get things done. crying isn't weakness or whatever you people think it is. it just is and i like doing it.
besides the point, i'm supposed to meet his parents too eventually and i'm kind of worried about it. it's supposed to be a more relaxed environment from what i've heard but that doesn't actually mean i'll be relaxed about it. i just really want them to like me and if they don't i might go home and throw up in my bathtub or something. that's not for a while however. jeez dude. i like this guy so much it's not even funny. GET A GRIP!!!! but if you're reading this i love you!!!! <3
things i want don't feel like things i deserve, but i'm beginning to think that isn't necessarily true. i'm glad that i feel like i'm healing, slowly but surely. i mean i still find your best american girl relatable but, baby steps. i don't think it's about getting good, i just think it's about getting better. i think people have convinced me that "being selfish" is just wanting things. i want lots of things and i want the ability to kick and scream and cry when i don't get them, but that doesn't mean i should get them, because eventually when you're done freaking out, you get up and move on. people try to rush my freaking out stage. i can still cry and get things done. crying isn't weakness or whatever you people think it is. it just is and i like doing it.
besides the point, i'm supposed to meet his parents too eventually and i'm kind of worried about it. it's supposed to be a more relaxed environment from what i've heard but that doesn't actually mean i'll be relaxed about it. i just really want them to like me and if they don't i might go home and throw up in my bathtub or something. that's not for a while however. jeez dude. i like this guy so much it's not even funny. GET A GRIP!!!! but if you're reading this i love you!!!! <3
