(no subject)

last night my ex best friend texted me for the first time since february 10th just to ask me for a favor. it was basically "hey, i know we haven't talked in a while but can i borrow your life's work for a college thing?"  like, hey dude, the reason we don't talk anymore is 2000% your fault. but y'know, i don't think he's gonna understand that until i spell it out for him, which i REALLY don't feel like doing. i just wish he would get the message that he's driven me to no longer caring about him. 

about the favor, i told him no and then he got all whiney and stopped talking to me XD get a grip dude. i removed him from some documents today because i'm scared he'll go behind my back and use my work anyway. so this sucks. people need to stop putting me in situations.

i just wish he'd leave me alone forever. i'm so sick of him messaging me or talking or existing or just. yeah, i'm sick of everything. i have severed the ties and now all i feel toward him are negative emotions. friends are telling me to just drop him and tell him i don't care but then i'd stay up all night with the guilt cause i can't help but feel like i'm screwing him over even though he's already screwed me over a bunch anyway.

in other news, i bought the new pierce the veil record on vinyl today at my local walmart. it came with a poster!!!! a full-sized one!!! it's awesome. the record itself is like this cool mint color! it's cool. going to drink this coffee and do homework that's due tomorrow now.

keep ya posted xx 

is it considered performance art if i'm not performing?

i hate my naiveté
i hate that i saw you in everything and i loathe that i still do
the reflection of you falls in every raindrop
it duplicates in a cracked mirror
when i should be staring back in my own eyes
i see yours
those cracks don't form themselves
no, mirrors only shatter upon impact
the deadbolt in the door
the lifeline gone flat
the pin in the heart pulled back and removed
let me see what you really are
show me what you think you could be and i'd lift you up into the light
let you blaze among the stars
watch you burn in their fires
i thought you always wanted this?
why then do you shy away beneath my gaze?
i hope your heart explodes under the pressure of my eyes
i hope my glance is enough to put you in a coma
it wouldn't even reach the tipping point of my overflowing infatuation with your downfall
the crowd's gone silent and you stumble on your words
smile any harder and we might have a surgery on our hands
open heart, open eyes
i watch from the sidelines, shaded from the spotlights you beg for
upcoming starboy, due today
tell 'em all what they want to hear, will you?
give 'em something to root for
give me something to cry for
and when the curtains crash down, where will i be?
so, say your prayers and drown in the afterparty
be what i love to hate and don't forget the glitter.